Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Living with someone who is depressed

My husband has a decades long bout with depression. Currently he is in deep trouble. He quit taking his medication. On one hand, this is admirable because it took a great deal of determination to do this. And decades on anti-depressants is a scary thought. But now he is a depressed mess. He doesn’t have a doctor/ professional he is talking to. And here’s what it’s like to deal with him:


  • He’s very irritable. Everything makes him annoyed.

  • He’s very negative. He puts a negative spin on everything.

  • He’s paranoid. Everything that I do is somehow personal, limited, at least something to make him feel bad, if not worse.

  • He’s very trapped in a personal world. He interprets things very personally. If he feels bad, then folks are hurting him. If he can see no other view, there is no other view. If you talk about yourself, you are being selfish.

  • He’s paralyzed by his misery. Nothing matters. Nothing is good. Nothing can be done.

  • If you are silent, you are ignoring him. If you agree, you are patronizing. If you speak and don’t agree, you are arguing.

  • No one loves him. No one cares. No ones understands. Nothing matters.


If you read any book about depression, you’ll see a set of symptoms emerging here. I’ve not exhausted the story.



He is a sweet man whose depression overwhelms the sweet, smart, quirky, kind, funny man I have seen and love. Occasionally I still glimpse this man.

4 comments:

Linda Phillips said...

Dear Aunt Susan,
It is not true that no one reads your blogs. It has been so long since we actually have talked together so i thought that reading your blog would help me stay in contact with your life. I understand how you feel about your husband and his depression. I have suffered with depression i think most of my life and have been on medication for the last 15 yrs. I have been trying to find the right combination of medication this past year to help me over come the severe depression i have at times. It finally has taken a psychiatrist to help me. You need to watch him closely for suicadial tendancies. going off your meds after so long will be extremely hard and can cause his depression to really dive. Susan i would suggest if he has at least a medical md that he sees for other things, you contact him and ask him recommmend a therapist and if possible a psych md. Love ya Linda

SusanS said...

Linda,
Send me your e-mail. I'd love to talk.

Anonymous said...

I was very sorry to read this and hope things improve soon.

SusanS said...

An update. Much better. And advice to folks in this situation: went to a counselor and back on medicine. It really can help.