Hummingbirds

Choose this design because of all the hummingbirds on my island. Hoping to write more. Have retired from Adobe. Working on my Joseph book. Hoping to write more. Writing is hard.

Puppy

I guess puppy is one of my most important new years resolutions. Some basic facts:

• Bought her from Erin. Not cheap. I had been thinking about Cavalier spaniel for a while. Having Erin get the advantage and knowing about her puppyhood helped me to loosen the bankbook. But obviously just the cost is a commitment. (Plus it’s a little life.)
• She is cute but strong willed. I’ve been reading and reading and doing what I can to train her. But she is still working in her own charming way to be the one in charge.
• I can see that my isolated, hermit lifestyle will be a problem for a dog. She is coming to be reasonable with me. Absolutely insane once we go beyond the privacy of our little dyad. So I need to move into training and find ways to let her socialize with other dogs and other people.
• A final piece of the puzzle that made me decide to get Sadie: Nina and Raymond’s visit with Dobbie. A well trained dog. Committed owners. I have to keep remembering that is my goal. I feel that I let Koda and even Daphne (my last two dogs down, stories for another day here). Their annoying behaviors were parallel to my lack of knowledge and commitment as an owner. So I’m taiing the ownership of responsibility to ensure that Sadie behaves and that I’m a strong, loving owner.

So my commitment for the year is to lead Sadie down a path towards behavior that gives her and me a good life.

Almost a year

Since I posted on my blog. How pathetic is that. Here is a link to my recent note on Facebook about my glorious neighborhood:

http://www.facebook.com/notes/susan-staker/today-in-the-neighborhood/10150268209027955

Why Whidbey? Why now?

Looks like I’m buying a house on Whidbey Island (located about 20 miles north of Seattle in the Puget Sound)! To tell the truth I’m as surprised as my friends and family: “You’re what? What about your garden? What about your cute bungalow? What about Seattle? What about Greenlake?”

It all started the week of July 4. I rented a house on Whidbey Island for my kids to come hang out for a few days. Nate and family came from Virginia. Sarah and her crowd were there. Also Bevin and Don. It was a beautiful house with a beautiful view of Puget Sound and Camano Island--located just outside of Langley. We went on a couple of walks (torn away from the view), and I saw a house for sale that I had always thought a beautiful house. Couldn’t resist going to see the house.

The house wasn’t as perfect on the inside as it is on the outside, but it got me thinking and fantasizing about living on the island. I searched out a few houses, found an agent, and went out the next weekend to see a few more houses. That weekend I did fall in love with a house. Spent another couple of weekends looking at other houses on the island. But this had been love at first sight.

Don’s first response had been, “Over my dead body!” But he mellowed. And last weekend we had an offer accepted on the house. With luck, we’ll be moving to Whidbey Island in early November.

Whidbey House


I have the luxury of taking my job with me. I can work remotely. This gives me a chance to simplify and downsize. Lots of wonderful places to walk and enjoy. A great sandy beach just down the road. Now instead of driving to the country, I can drive to the city.

Sabbatical

I spent at least a decade in academia. So I’m well aware that a tech “sabbatical” is a pretty pathetic thing. Three weeks, every five years.

I start mine on my birthday a little over a week from now. I’m attaching my extra three weeks to a “shutdown” (Adobe has 4 weeks of enforced vacation this year, one for each quarter, taking vacation as it turns out helps Adobe’s bottom line).

What to do with this precious gift of time? Something as far away from work (and it’s inflection on my life) as possible. What is my life at work? I admit up front I have an amazing job. If I must have a job, this job is an intellectual and monetary blessing. Here’s what I do. Figuring out what is next. Lots of strategy and imagination. Never a world of daily, repetitious grind exactly. But. It’s stressful. Action items. Next steps. Plans. Milestones. Proposals. Processes. Workflows. Guidelines. Accountability. Business goals. Lots of meetings. Lots of talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. You get the idea. . . . .

So here’s my plan. I get in my car and head East. I’m hoping to land in Williamsburg, where my son and family live, about half way into the two weeks--more or less. Really the plan is no plan. I have GPS. I have a computer. I have an iPOD. I have cell phones (which thankfully may be “out of service” a significant part of the time). Take it a day at a time. Smell the roses. I keep inviting folks to come with me. The requirements: No planning to speak of. And I get to decide what comes from the speakers. Mostly books. So far no one seems up for the trip. Which is fine. Another part of the plan: not much talk, no action items, mushy milestones, quiet, peace. I think this means avoiding cities. Which is fine. Also probably not that many museums, tourist musts.

On the way out, I’m going to complete the tour of the history that organized my childhood, my young adulthood, that presses on my imaginative life still. Mormonism. My son has called me an gentle apostate, as I recall (Nathan you can correct the phrasing). But here are the only cities on my plan beyond Williamsburg/ Jamestown. Nauvoo, Illinois (I’ve been there). I have a colleague at work from Illinois who needed a basic lesson in how to find these places on my list. Kirtland, Ohio (haven’t been there). Palmyra and Manchester, New York.

That’s pretty much the plan. Though my colleague at work recommends Highway 12 in Idaho. Highway 6 in the midwest. I have a few more notes I’m not remembering now. I’m also thinking I want to go through a few states I haven’t visited yet. Put a few more push pins on my map.

But that’s the plan. And that is all the plan I’ll have. The anti-work sabbatical. With no deliverables at the end. But a bit more peace and quiet and serenity in my head.

My adventure

Here are some pictures that Sarah took the day of my excellent adventure with TGA. I really am pretty vague in remembering anything until the very end--vaguely remember the picture with nurse and doctor. I do remember the lake. We were waiting for Don’s plane.

Update. I’ve had a further test (EEG). And the results were good. Doctor agrees I had an episode of Transient Global Amnesia. How weird this all was. Still can’t remember that day until the afternoon.

A weird trip

Last week I took a very weird trip. The first thing I remember is sitting in a hospital room, my daughter Sarah telling me to read the papers in my hand and at the same time plying me with food--a burrito, chips, a soda. I kept reading and rereading the story my daughter handed me, trying to make sense of the words on the page:

“Mom you woke up this morning feeling disoriented (about 6:30 am). You called Don. He called me. I called the paramedics. I met you at your house and the paramedics decided to bring you to Northwest Hospital by ambulance. This morning you dressed yourself and have great physical response. Not a big stroke or something. Maybe something small & localized.

At 10:00 a.m. this morning you will have an MRI that will last about 45 minutes. They will check for a small stroke. (You have no bleeds.) Dr. Hooker has glasses and a moustache. He thinks you have global localized amnesia (?) which he sees about once a year. It is rare but people recover and have normal function after the event (just can’t remember week or so around the event). Don called your work & they know you aren’t coming in. Don will probably fly up soon. I will be here at the hospital with you. You are going to be fine. I love you. Your daughter, Sarah.

Don is flying up and will be here this afternoon (3 pm?). I wrote this down so you can remember what happened. The Dr. feels like this is not dementia, just an isolated memory problem from a small brain (stroke like) thing. They’ll know more after the MRI. You’ve always been calm and lucid in conversations in the moment. I will always be here nearby.

Update. (12 pm)
After the MRI the Dr. came in and told us there are no bleeds or tumors in your brain. You respond normally & remember people, surroundings etc. Good news! The neurologist will come and speak to us--likely it is transient global amnesia which means you will recover normal memory but not much about the event itself or a week or so surrounding the episode. He sees this about once a year, very rare. You’ll be ok. Your brain looks healthy and actually exceptionally ”young“

*The neurologist will come and see you later this afternoon to see how your memory is c\coming. You can remember further back--4th of July but still foggy on last week. Memory will continue to improve. Dr. will determine if you spend the night for observation. Don is on his way. You spoke on the phone here at the hospital. Relax & Know you are ok.

Discharged from hospital at 1 pm. Call for neurologist appointment after 2 pm for follow-up. Symptoms should lessen and resolve in the next day or two with no lasting problems.”

It’s now almost a week later. I have the neurologist appointment later this morning. Here’s a description of what happened to me:

Transient Global Amnesia

And here’s the story I pieced together of last Wednesday’s events. I still have no memory of that day--except for fleeting images--until I remember reading and rereading Sarah’s story of what happened. What a clever thing for Sarah to have done (apparently remembered the movie Memento).

I called Don about 6:30 am. I was confused and knew something was wrong. Don was alarmed because I had no short term memory, I kept repeating myself and asking the same question. I was particularly concerned because the back of my very green house seemed to have turned white. So it seemed that I also must be hallucinating. (Footnote: the back of the house was white. I had hired college students to fix the peeling paint, they had started the day before, and I had neglected to tell Don of the project.) When he rang off to call Sarah, I called back and started the story all over again, not remembering that I had just called. From there to the hospital Sarah tells you the story.

Don also called the office--left a voice mail on my boss’s phone and a message with one of my co-workers. Unfortunately, my boss didn’t pick up her messages. And he left the second message on the phone of the “wrong” Robin. As I began missing important meetings--my boss’s staff meeting, a follow-on meeting where I was helping with a presentation we had worked on for the previous four days--folks got worried. Freda in my office went to my house. My car was still there. But I didn’t answer the door. She went around to the back. The painters were there but had seen nothing. She looked inside the bedroom--bed made, no Susan. Finally folks talked to Margie at the reception desk, who had talked to Don. And put him through to a Robin in our group. They looked in her office and saw the phone blinking red. They called Robin at home, had her pick up her message, which was from Don. She gave Don’s number to my boss’s admin. She finally contacted Don at about noon. That’s when they learned what had become of me. They had imagined me unconscious in the house, wandering about the streets. . . . . . . .

I was discharged from the hospital in the early afternoon, still pretty vague about what had happened and what was happening. Sarah and I went to a park and waited for the time for Don’s plane. We picked him up, drove to my house. Things slowly began settling into place. Memories of the previous days mostly returning. That night I settled into read. I had been “reading” two books--reading one on my Kindle and listening to one on my ipod. I couldn’t remember the plot of the Kindle book (I was about 60% of the way through), the plot of the audiobook came back when I replayed the last five minutes. By morning I could remember the plots of both books.

And over the past week, my memory has been settling in around the remaining hole for that morning. Still weird lapses here and there. Things that just won’t stick or quite return.

Somehow this experience wasn’t frightening. Left me feeling a bit mystified and quizzical. How slight our tether to “reality” can be I guess. I knew who I was. I knew who people were. I managed to get up, shower, go through all of the details of getting ready for the day, even making my bed. I was dressed and put together when my daughter and the ambulance arrived. But my ability to maintain short-term memory was totally gone during that period. A very short loop, round and round.

Not sure the lesson. Still left wondering about that.